You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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