He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
