girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
