the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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