Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Randomize
