I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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