I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
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