I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
