One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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