I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
