Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
