Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
