look no pants
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
