cat food counts as protein by the way
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
