Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
