My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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