If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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