you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
