I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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