i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
