Fine. I'll sleep in my office
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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