OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
