i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
