Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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