...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
