Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
