well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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