he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
