I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
