I want to make a zoo with you.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
