oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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