Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
