don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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