how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
