Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My vagina is very pro this idea
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
