eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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