Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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