So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I faked an abortion last night.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
