omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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