He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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