? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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