While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
