Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
