Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think your dad took our porno
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
