so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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