Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize