I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
