Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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