I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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