I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
