My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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