we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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