Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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