Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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