got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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