I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
