I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
