please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
