New invention idea: vibrating tampons
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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