I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
