she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dignity is for republicans.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
