some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't deserve a penis
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
