U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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