It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I understand Curling. That high.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
