ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
