if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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