I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
