So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
