if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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